Fitting In
by Naomi Sisko
Summary: The secret origins of a mental patient's schizophrenia . . .


**FITTING IN**

by Aubrey a.k.a. Naomi Sisko   
e-mail comments to: lizardstatue@netscape.net   
author's homepage: http://sites.netscape.net/lizardstatue/   


Scene One 

WEIRDO: I saw it! (Runs up to POLICEMAN.) I promise, this time it's real! 

POLICEMAN: (Grumbling.) OK. Give me a description. 

WEIRDO: It was green, a flying saucer, with huge, flashing red floodlights . . . 

POLICEMAN: Noted and logged. Move along, now. 

WEIRDO: Wait! There's more! You can't send me away. 

POLICEMAN: And who's wearing the badge? Sorry, but I don't have the time. (Exits.) 

WEIRDO: (Sighs.) I wish someone would listen to me, for once. 

GENIE: Did someone say "wish"? Man, I've been stuck granting wishes for   
20,000 years, with no one to talk to. And _you_ wish _you_ could have   
someone to talk to. Well, I ain't granting no more wishes. (Heads   
offstage.) Humans! They don't appreciate a genie's work! (Exits.) 

WEIRDO: I do! (To himself.) If I told anyone here that I saw a genie, much less   
aliens, they would never believe me. I guess I am a weirdo. 

TV ANNOUNCER: . . . And if you don't get help at Charter, please get help Somewhere! 

WEIRDO: Oh, yeah? Betcha even _they_ can't help me. 

TV ANNOUNCER: 30 day trial period or your money back! 

WEIRDO: Well, I guess it can't hurt to try . . .   


Scene Two 

RECEPTIONIST: (on phone) No, no, this isn't Happy Tots Daycare. Wrong number. B'bye   
. . . Hello, sir? Thank you for waiting. You can come in on Thursday for   
our Mental Help Session. It should totally cure you of your Luke   
Skywalker fantasies . . . 

WEIRDO: Hello. 

RECEPTIONIST: Can you hold, please? (to WEIRDO) How can I help you? 

WEIRDO: I saw your ad on TV. I've come to get help. 

RECEPTIONIST: What's your problem? 'Cause I had a guy come in yesterday after spilling   
paint on his head. Said it got into his brain. So I said . . . 

WEIRDO: That's nice. No, I see and hear things that other people don't. 

RECEPTIONIST: Well, that don't make you looney. I hear this one voice . . . 

WEIRDO: I don't doubt it. Now, since I'm not getting help here, I'll go Somewhere. 

MANAGER: (enters SL) We lied. 

WEIRDO: Huh? 

MANAGER: In the commercial. I can take over from here, Margery. We are a   
business; we can't have every stray customer walk out the door and go to   
Somewhere. 

RECEPTIONIST: Somewhere is actually a place? 

MANAGER: Yes, Margery. Now, don't you have several customers on hold? (to   
WEIRDO) Now, where were we? 

(ALIEN enters.) 

WEIRDO: Don't move, sir! You've got an alien holding a laser pistol to your head! 

MANAGER: Doctors! We've got a new patient! (to WEIRDO) You really are a nut! 

ALIEN: Don't worry. I'm not going to shoot him, unless . . . 

WEIRDO: Unless what? 

ALIEN: Unless you embarrass yourself by shouting "They're taking me away!" at   
the top of your lungs. 

WEIRDO: But I'm trying to fit in! 

(Two DOCTORS enter and grab WEIRDO.) 

ALIEN: Just do it. 

WEIRDO: I can't believe this . . . They're taking me away! Dang it. They're taking   
me away!   


Scene Three 

SHRINK: Repeat after me. There are no aliens or genies. 

WEIRDO: But if I do that, they'll take revenge! 

SHRINK: A revenge that doesn't exist, since they don't exist. 

WEIRDO: I'm not convinced. 

ALIEN: (enters) Nor will you ever be, since we'll always be here . . . 

ALIEN #2: (enters) Taunting you . . . 

ALIEN: Torchering you. 

ALIEN #2: You can't get rid of us . . . 

ALIEN: Because we're part of you . . . 

ALIEN & ALIEN #2: Forever. 

SHRINK: What are you staring at? 

WEIRDO: A very bad dream. 

SHRINK: Are they your alien buddies again? 

WEIRDO: They aren't buddies. 

ALIEN: I'm disappointed in you. We _are_ you, you know. We're closer that you'd   
ever imagine. 

SHRINK: But they're just a dream. 

WEIRDO: Just a dream?   


Scene Four 

(ALIEN #3 & ALIEN #4 stand beside a biobed, on which lies WEIRDO, whom we see is also an alien.) 

ALIEN #3: He's waking up. 

ALIEN #4: Sever him from the dream, but let him sleep. He's done enough. 

ALIEN #3: I think you're right, Amon. From what we've gathered from this dream,   
it would be impossible to implant human memories in any of our spies   
that we send to earth, at least not until we take care of the rebels. Our   
people's ability to perceive them could cause great confusion. No, no   
implanted memories. 

ALIEN #4: So we send them with the knowledge that they have the mental   
capacity to destroy earth? One traitor among our spies, and the planet,   
primitive though it may be, is lost forever. 

ALIEN #3: We must leave earth alone, for now. Call in the scouts. 

ALIEN #5: (enters) Captain, one of the scouts is missing. Green leader says it   
may have crashed, at these coordinates. (hands ALIEN #4 a datapad) 

ALIEN #4: Roswell, New Mexico, the United States of America. 

ALIEN #3: Goodness! Well, Amon, it looks as though you have your spy on earth   
after all. Our people are invulnerable to impact, so there's no chance the   
scout was killed. Passing through the atmosphere, however, may have   
cost him his memory . . .   


THE BEGINNING 


End file.
